Five Thoughts on Grieving the Death of a Spouse or Partner
Widowed people created Soaring Spirits because we discovered that connecting with other widowed people made the challenges of surviving a spouse or partner a little easier to manage. The “LIV ON” song “Forever Blue” helps to outline several things I try to share each and every day with our members.
Your love remains
There is no one in the world like your beloved. No matter what transformation you may experience through your widowhood, the uniqueness and value of your loved one will remain true, and lasting. The warmth of their love will radiate from within you, for all the rest of your days. The love you shared with your person will always be yours.
Live in the Moment
The death of a spouse or partner is a life-altering experience. Every part of your daily life is impacted by their physical absence. The future may seem very dark, and the pull to live life in the past extremely tempting. Try to focus on just the moment you are living. Take life one day, one hour, one minute at a time, as needed. You don’t need to work on your five year plan, do your best to just live for today. Tomorrow is always a new day.
Say Your Beloved’s Name
Life ends, but love remains. When your spouse or partner dies, you may feel that they are lost to you. Many friends and family may avoid saying their name perhaps thinking a reminder of your loved one will be painful for you. But the truth is your love is tattooed on your heart. Say your loved one’s name, often and proudly. Embrace the love you have for them in your heart, and remember that love never dies.
Honor Your Feelings
The death of a spouse or partner can feel like an amputation. Every part of your life has changed from your daily life to your future dreams. Acing for your beloved is a normal part of the grieving process. Your heart will ache; your arms may even literally ache to hold your person just one more time. Be as patient with yourself as possible, and allow yourself space to feel. Aching and longing are a part of loving, and you will love your person every single day for the rest of your life.
Allow Yourself to Mourn Your Dreams
The death of your life partner has not only changed your daily life, but also your future. The dreams you discussed, the trips you planned, the life experiences you expected to walk through together…these opportunities died with your loved one. Many times these secondary losses are invisible to others, and can cause unexpected pain as you move through your life post-loss. Find a peer community that will allow you to express, mourn, and honor these secondary losses. Healing begins by honoring the kaleidoscope of feelings caused by mourning your life partner.